You see, my eight year old, my eldest, is not going to be studying violin anymore.
Sounds rather simple when stated in such a way. No?
I, however, did not make it so simple. She has not wanted to play violin for a year now.
I think I saw how serious she was when she told me in the fall....
"I want to take my violin and smash it and put it in the driveway so our cars can run over it."
In the fall.
Ask me. Go ahead...ask me...
"Why didn't you listen until now Stephanie if she expressed these intense feelings in the fall?"
I didn't listen for many reasons but I think the root of it is lack of humility and a lack of respect for my child. Ugh.
When she first suggested taking lessons at five, she simply loved the sound of the violin and wanted to play. I think I heard, "Mother, I want to play the violin so as to be an accomplished lady."
I think Justin heard," Father, I want to play the violin so that I can be in that family band you dream of having some day."
She didn't say either statement.
I was reading the other day and my eyes fell on this...
"We must not give a form to the child, and we must not try to do so, because it would not be the child's own form.
We must help the child to manifest the form for which he was created, and it must not be for us to decide.
The child must be helped to reveal the form which truly belongs to him and to the Creator, who is Creator of all things that are, that were, and that will be, and who loves all that he brings forth."
(Listening to God With Children, pg. 14 a quote from A.M. Joosten from the 23rd Indian Montessori Course, New Delhi, March 9, 1959)
Children will naturally be drawn to the truths of the Church. They are so ready to accept the cosmic and the transcendent for what it is.
I think my handicap as an adult and parent is that I have "missed" in a sense the truth that: given the space and time they need in a loving home, my children will find natural truths about themselves. They will find the form that truly belongs to them.
They will be attracted to these truths in themselves and I hope I can mediate and look on as they discover more.
They will voice these truths about themselves, or at least I realize my children have persistently shown me: they know what will make them more whole people. I like to cook by you. Can we get more books about this? Do you see this mama, shipworms made the holes in this log! Can you read this to me? Can I be right next to you and touch you as you read this to me?
I don't want to play violin anymore. I would like to try something different (she chose voice lessons in the fall).
I have put this little epiphany under Family Vision because I do want my children to be respected for who they are and how the Lord made them in here, in this family, in this home.
Family Vision: A true home makes you totally comfortable in being yourself.
I truly feel home in the Catholic Church in who I am, I can be whole in the Church. The Church...Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the Blessed Virgin Mary, all the saints, the faithful rejoice in the whole person who has discovered truths about themselves...
I am called to use my hands to do this....
|(Missy made this with her hands for a very special couple's wedding day.)|
I am true to myself when I say yes to this new life...
The Church of course wants whole people because then we truly transform the world by giving it back the missing pieces only we can provide. God made each one of us, so uniquely! That is why a broken home is so tragic...because there are broken people. That is why abortion is such cause for deep sorrow...a whole is missing and the parents (and the rest of our world for that matter) can never be whole without that person.
We are not whole when we live in mortal sin because we are separated from God. We are not whole when we live a lie and try to live a certain way because the world tells us to. We are not whole when we have to hide the truths about ourselves.
Don't fret! There is MERCY...and GRACE.
I am not whole yet, but I imagine that is the hope of heaven, like one of the many signs over the pearly gates could read: Be Whole Here
Do you want to join me in prayerfully discerning the people, activities, and things in our home that we are letting in...discerning if they keep us from being whole?
Thank you for reading and letting me share a little about this violin fail. Love you all so very much!