Friday, November 4, 2016

More on Yes

This post is kind of related to my last post. I was thinking about how we might hold back part of ourselves, in our marriage, out of fear of what lies ahead. I like being aware of our holding back. We don't always have to have SOLUTIONS you know, or make a change...we could simply sit with it and say..."hmmm...yes, I sure am holding back right now."

My husband and I did NOT stop at two children, and so, I feel like I always ask the question of myself when someone asks ME the question, "Are you going to have anymore?"

I seem to always not really know. Who even knows these things?

Well, all I can say is I take complete comfort in knowing that...

Our Lord will wait for our yes.

He will wait for your yes.

One of the most comforting images of Our Lord that has saved me tremendous heart ache as I wrestle with this Catholic marriage and commitment to openness to life, is the image of God as gentleman.

I can't believe I am going to admit this but one of my guilty pressures is watching engagement videos on YouTube. Ha! You aren't even surprised! Part of me thinks, “Ah this is such a private moment! This is so special this very HUGE question!” and then I find I am clicking play again.

There is usually a profession of love in words, and yet the gentleman is compelled to not only speak these words of love, but to say it with his body as well. He might not even get it that he is about to speak volumes with more than just the symbolism of a “proper engagement,” he is literally saying I am making myself small before you…to ask for your hand in marriage.

He kneels. He kneels small before her. And she usually, as the knee goes down, the unsuspecting bride clasps her mouth. No seriously, watch the videos, she is speechless? I am not sure what the reaction of covering her mouth means…maybe it means, “I have no words, right now in this moment!"

But she DOES have a word! And I only watch proposals with a yes! (although, for shame, there are marriage proposal fails that have gone viral).

I wonder though…I wonder at this yes that she gives so readily. It doesn’t always happen that way. Read any number of Jane Austen novels and you will see a waiting that happens. Darcy waited for Elizabeth.
The tall cadet with the kind brown eyes will wait for you to start speaking to him after he professed his love to you in a stairwell at the academy. He will later affectionately call it your trip to Jupiter, even though you deep down know it was a very painful time for him. He made a confession of love, calling it an ocean, and then he waited for you. He waits for you and so fifteen years late you have five babies together.

A friend told me once that God is the perfect gentleman. I find great peace that knowing as a true gentleman, God would never force himself on me. That he would wait patiently for my yes.

I say this also wanting it to be very clear to you, that if he is asking this yes of you, he will pursue you. You are His prize. We think Pride and Prejudice is romantic? If God is placing on your heart a call to new life, this my friend is the greatest adventure of all, and he will pursue you. 

It is just nice if we can be aware of all this. His pursuing. Your holding back.

God Bless xxoo