Male or female!
I am slightly embarrassed to admit I thought there was more of an agenda. I knew Justin wanted our son to have a brother, he grew up with a brother. I had this idea that God would answer this prayer. Even as I learn about trusting God's plan, I still have the boldness of offering to him ideas on what would be best.
His ways are best.
His ways are true.
God was still so gentle because here we are with our baby girl, in what has been, praise Him, a very healthy pregnancy.
I was unsure if I wanted to find out the sex of our baby, but I was having a hard time connecting. I think that as you have a busy full home, at least for me, I would often times not even realize I was growing someone until that someone would wriggle around in my belly. Oh yes, there you are! And then on to making pb&js! Obviously, with the fact that I blog, I also journal, and so to write to a daughter now in my journal is a crucial part of connecting with baby.
And so, I was having anxiety the day before the "finding out" ultrasound and at dinner the children had already left the table and Justin put things very bluntly when I expressed my anxiety to him.
"We really didn't plan this one and we really didn't try to avoid this one either. I think things just happened and we were just being married, and so we are now blessed to be having a child."
I know. He really does make me want to be a better person.
And it really is that straightforward, we were just being married.
Why has society made it more complicated than this?
We are married so we...naturally...have children!
Couples struggle with infertility and finally conceive a child and people are overjoyed. A couple decides to finally have a baby after they have traveled or finished school and everyone nods in agreement. A couple rounds out their family when they have a baby boy after their first is a girl..perfect, two of each! A couple like us has a sixth child and they scratch their heads.
Ha! Except that I think people have lumped us more in the "oh they just have a big family" category now and we honestly don't get as many surprised looks anymore!
But there are always questions...and that's ok. Why so many children? Oh are you TRYING for another boy? Were you not being careful? Do you even know how expensive children are? And then the most irritating and rude one to say to a beautiful family with amazing children...you know what causes that right?
All of these questions boggle me and I find THEY are really making it much more complicated than it really is.
It is very simple folks, WE are just being married.
Justin and I have a vocation to marriage. Above careers and lifestyles and higher education and all of the milestone markers of our privileged first world society, we are first called to be married. For Justin and I, we are seeing with this big family thing that all our money is really going into feeding, clothing, keeping healthy and educating our littles...and they are really the BEST reasons to be spending money!
So in this call to marriage is this beautiful design: married love is meant to create.
Cormac Burke says it is the very nature of love.
"Love is creative. God's love (if we may put it this way) 'drove' Him to create. Man's love, made in the image of God's, is also meant to create. If it deliberately does not do so, it frustrates itself. A couple truly in love want to do things together; if possible, they want to do something "original" together"
"Nothing is more original to a couple in love than their child: the image and fruit of their love and their union. That is why 'the marital thing' is to have children;
and other things, as substitues, do not satisfy conjugal love."
My dear friend has given my husband and I a new expression, that I love very much. I used it in my husband's last birthday card...
"I love you and I love that we have our love six times."
This is what we do that is original together. We have something original of us times six.
Being the day after St Valentine's Day, I thought it would be nice to reflect on the all the original "you me" versions from your creative marriage toddling around your home.
Amen to real romance.
God Bless xxoo